I randomly came across this post at 4:30 in the morning while unable to sleep and got just so fascinated by it. I'm Brazilian and I've been to Croatia, Bosnia and Herzegovina and Montenegro last year, and got to learn a bit of history by locals (I mean, aside from what I had learned in school almost 15 years ago). Besides that, my favorite book is by a Bosnian author (and also the reason why I wanted to go to BiH) and it's about his childhood during the war, so when you talked about yours I couldn't not remember reading that. I'm so sorry that you went through that, specially at such a young age.
The former Yugoslavia really fascinates me and I've been getting more and more into literature from the Balkans - maybe even thinking about studying it formally at some point, let's see. I got really curious about you talking about the shared hatred of communists haha and wonder if you could share a bit more about that. From what I've seen during my trip, there was a lot of nostalgia for the Yugoslavia times, Tito "merch" being sold, specially in BiH, people talking about how they miss Tito, etc. But clearly you have a different view on that and I wanted to know more, if you feel like sharing. Thanks for keeping me company during a sleepless night :)
Heh I’m really happy the algorithm found you! Which Bosnian author is it? There’s a lot of media about this sad topic from very different perspectives.
My parents shielded me from a lot of it when I was young, so I didn’t even realize there was something bad going on. None of my close family was injured or died in the war either, so no personal wounds were opened within me.
I will be very blunt here and make a generalized statement. The people who are yugonostalgics are the same people who had bullshit nothing jobs during Yugoslavia, or their parents had bullshit nothing jobs, or they currently wish they had a bullshit nothing job. When I say bullshit nothing job, I mean jobs where five people supervise one guy actually working, I mean thirty people working for the local healthcare insurance facility in a village of a 100 residents.
The people who yearn for this are not so entrepreneurial or wish for personal independence, they have no shame sucking on the government tit, and whoever was already left for Germany / Austria / USA / Canada / Ireland because the system and the people in BiH are not so favorable to small businesses unless they are bakeries or ice cream shops or car repair shops. This is (probably) why you saw so much Tito merch, the Yugo days were good for them because Croatia and Slovenia drove GDP and quality of life upwards. They are on their own now, and Tito merch is massive cope. Nostalgia used to be classified as a disease, and it’s really evident why in these parts of the world.
Shut the fuck up, raped cucked homosexual beaner, you know shit. Fuck off back to the Tijuana brothel your mother gave birth to you, you stinky lazy donkeyfucker. Do not open you ignorant mouth about issues you know nothing about, ese.
This was a very enlightening and funny article. I’m afraid to say I used to be one of those westerners who bought into the, “Based Serbian Kebab Remover.” But, I have since grown out of that. I still think it was none of our business to get involved in your war, but it is what it is. I do love listening to Croatian Nationalist songs sometimes and one of my exit routes out of Serb-Simping was watching the Bosnian Monarchist YouTuber Lavader. You heard of him? He does fit the Balkan stereotype of, “Lives in Germany.” Lol! But he’s a good guy.
You know...that’s just your opinion… I liked (or used to like?) Split and Trogir. (Its true though and by now it’s also gotten ridiculously expensive.)
The whole “work half a year, mog the rest” lifestyle is familiar here too, especially around Lake Balaton. That's just life in the tourist traps.
Really familiar with the “Za dom! Spremni!” as well (I’ve been made to drink to it a few times) and of course I know Marko Perković Thompson too. I think I still have that scarf somewhere that a girl gave me back then (with the “U” woven into the braid).
It really hits you again how much power women have. One smile and you’re ready to go fight for Croatia.
I was already well versed in the usual Balkan hostility, from Slovenian femboys to Bulgarian cavemen. I still learned some new things. RIP 2balkan4you. (Really...what's with the Albanian bakeries?)
Overall, I really enjoyed this. Sometimes I even get a bit jealous of you guys, nothing ever really happens here (I can't insert the chud here). I guess people are never satisfied.
Trogir is a lovely little town, charming and quiet. I like it a lot.
That one smile with a scarf is basically how the kravata came to life hah! Some things never change.
I have no clue what’s with the bakeries. My guess is low cost of production? They even offer kebabs and whole pizzas now, it’s crazy. Easy front for drug trafficking or selling? I really don’t know.
I am glad that you enjoyed it ^^ Considered adding Hungary but decided against it, would be too much.
That’s fair. Our main contribution is mostly tied to Vojvodina and the ongoing beef with the Romanians. Maybe I should write about that sometime, it’s full of lolcowery, identity politics, and the whole “who’s Romanian and who’s Hungarian” question.
I also forgot to mention something similar about the Danube, which is very much a Buda–Pest thing:
“What separates men from animals? The Danube.”
And yeah, nice catch with the scarf/kravata connection. It reminded me of that young Hillary Clinton meme I saw not long ago: “You’d bomb Serbia too if she looked at you like that.”
I also have a ridiculous story involving an Albanian underworld-type guy and some bakeries, but I’m not getting into full paragraphs again now. It’s getting late. Maybe another time.
Definitely write about it! I know Hungarians and Romanians have old beef, but never really looked into why or how as I feel it'd be similar to the Yugo antics. But I'd read about it from you
In Romania Danube doesn't make the same split. The Carpathians do. South of Danube we have our most ottoman region, the bulk of the country is north of it, but not much different immediately. Maybe Bulgaria is our south counterpart in that dyad, but nobody here wants to acknowledge we are even in the same league, even if we really seem to be lumped together with them by EU overlords.
We say both 'istorie' and 'poveste'. We make this kind of linguistic comparations with Moldova and find it funny because we're like the big brother a little condescending but still loving.
We also have some claim to that Illyrian DNA if you don't mind, so it's fair you included us here.
As for Croats, I don't think people here know much about them. We only have to deal with Serbs and they were famously our best buddies among all our neighbors. We just bitter the poor Germans have more money than us and get to go touristy on you each summer.
I actually considered this because I include Portugal in my novel as part of the Slavic Empire, we are spiritual cousins. But then I would have to include Austria because of all the Serbs in Vienna, and Hungary, and maybe Slovakia, and Greece. It never ends!
I’ve always had a high opinion of the Balkanoids that I’ve known from time to time. I have a passing interest in reading the history of the region, though as of yet have not done so. I will now attempt to list the handful of things I do know about the region: Bulgaria produces exceptional weightlifters. The current pound for pound best on the planet is a lad by the name of Karlos Nassar, who I understand is treated as a god in Bulgaria. The region exports a steady stream of beautiful women to men of strangely modest means comparatively within the United States. I’ve known a few and they were both stunning and way more racist and blunt than women of that caliber tend to be. I can’t entirely articulate why, but the U.S. involvement in the Yugoslav wars played a key role in the eventual unraveling of our empire. Other than that I think my only exposure is occasional Andrew Tate clips that I am forced to witness against my will.
Beautiful writing, very melancholic - a wonderful reflection on the Croatian Soul. This melancholy probably stands out the most to me, if for mostly it's contrast to the eternal optimism of American Exceptionalism I am subsumed in. I imagine this is why the rest of the world looks at us weird - the overriding perception that each day will be better than the last is so pervasive here as to be inarticulateble.
It is good that Croatia is still Croatia, and it sounds to me like still will be even as the collective west commits suicide. Thank you very much for sharing.
When Americans travel to Eastern Europe, they usually tell them to not smile so much and with full teeth exposure because it’s just not what Slavs really do much in public. The collective thoughts are written in the faces.
Haha, yeah we do smile a lot. And are loud speakers, I'll own up to both. I'd rather be accused of looking the fool than of being unfriendly. If I ever make it out to the Balkans I'll do my best to look grumpy.
I randomly came across this post at 4:30 in the morning while unable to sleep and got just so fascinated by it. I'm Brazilian and I've been to Croatia, Bosnia and Herzegovina and Montenegro last year, and got to learn a bit of history by locals (I mean, aside from what I had learned in school almost 15 years ago). Besides that, my favorite book is by a Bosnian author (and also the reason why I wanted to go to BiH) and it's about his childhood during the war, so when you talked about yours I couldn't not remember reading that. I'm so sorry that you went through that, specially at such a young age.
The former Yugoslavia really fascinates me and I've been getting more and more into literature from the Balkans - maybe even thinking about studying it formally at some point, let's see. I got really curious about you talking about the shared hatred of communists haha and wonder if you could share a bit more about that. From what I've seen during my trip, there was a lot of nostalgia for the Yugoslavia times, Tito "merch" being sold, specially in BiH, people talking about how they miss Tito, etc. But clearly you have a different view on that and I wanted to know more, if you feel like sharing. Thanks for keeping me company during a sleepless night :)
Heh I’m really happy the algorithm found you! Which Bosnian author is it? There’s a lot of media about this sad topic from very different perspectives.
My parents shielded me from a lot of it when I was young, so I didn’t even realize there was something bad going on. None of my close family was injured or died in the war either, so no personal wounds were opened within me.
I will be very blunt here and make a generalized statement. The people who are yugonostalgics are the same people who had bullshit nothing jobs during Yugoslavia, or their parents had bullshit nothing jobs, or they currently wish they had a bullshit nothing job. When I say bullshit nothing job, I mean jobs where five people supervise one guy actually working, I mean thirty people working for the local healthcare insurance facility in a village of a 100 residents.
The people who yearn for this are not so entrepreneurial or wish for personal independence, they have no shame sucking on the government tit, and whoever was already left for Germany / Austria / USA / Canada / Ireland because the system and the people in BiH are not so favorable to small businesses unless they are bakeries or ice cream shops or car repair shops. This is (probably) why you saw so much Tito merch, the Yugo days were good for them because Croatia and Slovenia drove GDP and quality of life upwards. They are on their own now, and Tito merch is massive cope. Nostalgia used to be classified as a disease, and it’s really evident why in these parts of the world.
Thank you so much for replying!
The author is Saša Stanišić and the book is How The Soldier Repairs The Gramophone.
First exposure to the Balkans . Intrigued .
Saving this to my hard drive in case I ever, for whatever arcane reason, find myself writing a story set in the old Dual Monarchy.
I mean, I've done weirder for less. That's how the Peruvian Maronite Legion came into being...
If you do find the arcane reason to write it, don’t hesitate to ask me questions. I’m happy to help!
Wonderful article, would love to visit someday and see it all for real.
Osijek still has the medieval fort that was used in the 90s, it is wonderfully preserved and worth a visit
I’ll remember that, thanks!
Sorry forgot the like and to comment this was really good. Like one of those 80s Great American Novels in short story form.
Lots of parallels with the Caucasus.
This was the saddest thing I have ever read.
"The soil and the good faith relations mattered little when blood made a calling; something a lot of people on the Left seem to conveniently ignore."
What? Not the blood, but nationalist brainwashing ideology made a calling.
Jesus Christ, you are Hungarian, please move to Belgium. Beleszarok a gegecsovedbe te talpnyalo szarhazi.
Shut the fuck up, raped cucked homosexual beaner, you know shit. Fuck off back to the Tijuana brothel your mother gave birth to you, you stinky lazy donkeyfucker. Do not open you ignorant mouth about issues you know nothing about, ese.
This was a very enlightening and funny article. I’m afraid to say I used to be one of those westerners who bought into the, “Based Serbian Kebab Remover.” But, I have since grown out of that. I still think it was none of our business to get involved in your war, but it is what it is. I do love listening to Croatian Nationalist songs sometimes and one of my exit routes out of Serb-Simping was watching the Bosnian Monarchist YouTuber Lavader. You heard of him? He does fit the Balkan stereotype of, “Lives in Germany.” Lol! But he’s a good guy.
Peace ✌🏻
They haven't produced anything nearly as cool as that song ever since, so I can't even blame them for promoting it or the Westerners falling for it.
I didn't know of Lavader, thank you for bringing him up! He has the expected accent haha
You’re welcome. Have a great weekend.
Didn’t understand the second Bosnian joke but the first one is incredibly funny - pls tell me more
Mujo sees Haso and Fata walking across a field.
And Mujo asks Haso: "Haso, is it not written in the Kuran that the man should always walk in front of his wife?"
To which Haso responds: "The Kuran says nothing about minefields."
Ahahahaha that last one is great, fala lipa
Mujo says to Fata,
"Can you imagine, I've been laying next to our cow for six days already and she's not giving birth at all."
"When she sees you next to her, she probably thinks she's already done!"
---
Mujo goes to church to confess his sins and says to the priest,
"Father, I sinned a lot. My sister-in-law came to visit, we had some coffee, we talked... and then we had sex."
"Auh that is a big sin," the priest says.
"And then the mother-in-law came around, we had some coffee, we talked... and we had sex."
"Auu you really are a big sinner."
"That's nothing. My son-in-law came around, we had some coffee, we talked..."
The priest interrupts him, "You better go home before we talk too much!"
---
Somewhere in Bosnia, a cop stops three guys riding on one motorcycle.
"Are you three out of your mind?! Three of you on one bike??"
"Three??? Auuuu Mujo fell off..."
The more I learn of the balkans the more beautifull (in a simple and pure kind of beauty) it all seems
Truly an acquired taste
Thank you, this was a very enjoyable read. Loled at Dr Martens
You know...that’s just your opinion… I liked (or used to like?) Split and Trogir. (Its true though and by now it’s also gotten ridiculously expensive.)
The whole “work half a year, mog the rest” lifestyle is familiar here too, especially around Lake Balaton. That's just life in the tourist traps.
Really familiar with the “Za dom! Spremni!” as well (I’ve been made to drink to it a few times) and of course I know Marko Perković Thompson too. I think I still have that scarf somewhere that a girl gave me back then (with the “U” woven into the braid).
It really hits you again how much power women have. One smile and you’re ready to go fight for Croatia.
I was already well versed in the usual Balkan hostility, from Slovenian femboys to Bulgarian cavemen. I still learned some new things. RIP 2balkan4you. (Really...what's with the Albanian bakeries?)
Overall, I really enjoyed this. Sometimes I even get a bit jealous of you guys, nothing ever really happens here (I can't insert the chud here). I guess people are never satisfied.
Trogir is a lovely little town, charming and quiet. I like it a lot.
That one smile with a scarf is basically how the kravata came to life hah! Some things never change.
I have no clue what’s with the bakeries. My guess is low cost of production? They even offer kebabs and whole pizzas now, it’s crazy. Easy front for drug trafficking or selling? I really don’t know.
I am glad that you enjoyed it ^^ Considered adding Hungary but decided against it, would be too much.
That’s fair. Our main contribution is mostly tied to Vojvodina and the ongoing beef with the Romanians. Maybe I should write about that sometime, it’s full of lolcowery, identity politics, and the whole “who’s Romanian and who’s Hungarian” question.
I also forgot to mention something similar about the Danube, which is very much a Buda–Pest thing:
“What separates men from animals? The Danube.”
And yeah, nice catch with the scarf/kravata connection. It reminded me of that young Hillary Clinton meme I saw not long ago: “You’d bomb Serbia too if she looked at you like that.”
I also have a ridiculous story involving an Albanian underworld-type guy and some bakeries, but I’m not getting into full paragraphs again now. It’s getting late. Maybe another time.
Definitely write about it! I know Hungarians and Romanians have old beef, but never really looked into why or how as I feel it'd be similar to the Yugo antics. But I'd read about it from you
In Romania Danube doesn't make the same split. The Carpathians do. South of Danube we have our most ottoman region, the bulk of the country is north of it, but not much different immediately. Maybe Bulgaria is our south counterpart in that dyad, but nobody here wants to acknowledge we are even in the same league, even if we really seem to be lumped together with them by EU overlords.
We say both 'istorie' and 'poveste'. We make this kind of linguistic comparations with Moldova and find it funny because we're like the big brother a little condescending but still loving.
We also have some claim to that Illyrian DNA if you don't mind, so it's fair you included us here.
As for Croats, I don't think people here know much about them. We only have to deal with Serbs and they were famously our best buddies among all our neighbors. We just bitter the poor Germans have more money than us and get to go touristy on you each summer.
They say Portugal is honorary Balkan. Should be included in the list then.
I actually considered this because I include Portugal in my novel as part of the Slavic Empire, we are spiritual cousins. But then I would have to include Austria because of all the Serbs in Vienna, and Hungary, and maybe Slovakia, and Greece. It never ends!
Slovakia needs to be there, we’re unhinged 😭 if u needed any help lmk!
You have a novel?
Still writing it! ^^
If you need commentary on Portugal, lemme know.
Might take you up on this in near future, thank you!
I’ve always had a high opinion of the Balkanoids that I’ve known from time to time. I have a passing interest in reading the history of the region, though as of yet have not done so. I will now attempt to list the handful of things I do know about the region: Bulgaria produces exceptional weightlifters. The current pound for pound best on the planet is a lad by the name of Karlos Nassar, who I understand is treated as a god in Bulgaria. The region exports a steady stream of beautiful women to men of strangely modest means comparatively within the United States. I’ve known a few and they were both stunning and way more racist and blunt than women of that caliber tend to be. I can’t entirely articulate why, but the U.S. involvement in the Yugoslav wars played a key role in the eventual unraveling of our empire. Other than that I think my only exposure is occasional Andrew Tate clips that I am forced to witness against my will.
Interesting point about sports: Croatian are great at basketball, Hungarians in waterpolo, Romanians are master gymnasts, Albanians sell coke, etc.
I tell you, man, there’s something about Bulgarians.
No clue what Andrew Tate has to do with anything, he’s not from the Balkans at all. He was just hiding in Romania
Oh, I remember one other fact, actually. In highschool I used to love watching Mirko Cro Cop fight.
Everyone loves Cro Cop. He's a huge dog person!
https://www.croatiaweek.com/cro-cop-shows-soft-side-and-saves-stray-dog/
He has nothing to do with it intrinsically, I just don’t see much out of that area other than when he talks about it
Beautiful writing, very melancholic - a wonderful reflection on the Croatian Soul. This melancholy probably stands out the most to me, if for mostly it's contrast to the eternal optimism of American Exceptionalism I am subsumed in. I imagine this is why the rest of the world looks at us weird - the overriding perception that each day will be better than the last is so pervasive here as to be inarticulateble.
It is good that Croatia is still Croatia, and it sounds to me like still will be even as the collective west commits suicide. Thank you very much for sharing.
What a nice comment ^_^
When Americans travel to Eastern Europe, they usually tell them to not smile so much and with full teeth exposure because it’s just not what Slavs really do much in public. The collective thoughts are written in the faces.
Haha, yeah we do smile a lot. And are loud speakers, I'll own up to both. I'd rather be accused of looking the fool than of being unfriendly. If I ever make it out to the Balkans I'll do my best to look grumpy.